The million-dollar question is—how do you start having better sex? And not only with other people but also with yourself!
In this article, we take a look into the wonderful benefits of using sex toys in the bedroom and why you might want to pick up that fox tail butt plug after all!
Do I Need A Sex Toy?
You don’t ‘need’ sex toys, but sure, they can be really fun to explore. They’re not for everybody—and that’s OK too!
If you’re a newbie sitting on the fence, it’s great to keep an open mind to explore what you do and don’t like. With such a wide variety of sex toys on the current market, it makes sense to explore what’s out there and if it tickles your fancy. That being said, you’re highly likely to find something that enhances your sexual satisfaction.
As a sex educator and tantra yoga teacher, I like to encourage exploration with your hands for sexual stimulation, first and foremost. After that, you can begin to venture into other tools (outside of yourself) that can provide additional sensations.
In my opinion, it’s important to unlearn the conditioning that touching yourself is shameful. Furthermore, it’s important to learn that you are your own self-sustainable ecosystem and that you can provide everything you need. You are enough, and you can provide yourself with the pleasure you desire.
And from this place of personal sustainability and empowerment, you can opt for and leave tools for sexual stimulation when it suits you, as opposed to relying on tools because you feel like you’re not enough and can’t do it alone.
Is It Healthy To Have A Sex Toy?
It is healthy to have sex toys if it suits you. You don’t need sex toys—they’re a choice. It is healthy and perfectly normal to have sex toys, and healthy and perfectly normal to not use sex toys! There’s no ‘one size fits all’ in the realm of sexual pleasure.
20 Fun Reasons To Use Sex Toys In Bed
1. Can Help To Enhance Your Sexual Pleasure
Using sex toys can help you to experience more pleasure in your sex life. They are specifically designed to increase your sexual satisfaction.
2. Can Help You To Reach Orgasm
Not everybody finds it easy to reach a climax. A 2015 study on female orgasms in Finland found that 9% of women had never had an orgasm from sexual intercourse.¹ Only 6% of the women from the study reported that they always have an orgasm, and 38% of women had infrequent orgasms.
A significant proportion of the women in the study, 19%, reported that they experience persistent challenges which prevent them from experiencing any type of orgasm during sexual intercourse.
Many women find it challenging to achieve orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and they enjoy clitoral stimulation which helps them to reach climax. And vibrating cock rings can be a great sex toy to try because they help with clitoral stimulation during penetration.
3. Helps To Keep Sex Fresh And Exciting
Whether during solo play or in a sexual relationship with another person, sex toys can help to keep things fresh, new, and exciting. Variety is the spice of life.
No matter how enjoyable your solo play sex life or partnered sex life is, it can get boring!
Doing the same thing over and over may lose its sparkle—and we don’t want that.
Using sex toys can help to keep you excited, engaged, trying new things, and begging for more.
If you’d like to learn more tips on sexual awakening for women, then check out my blog article here.
4. Can Increase Intimacy In Partnered Sex
Trying things with your partner can help to deepen the bond between you both—because there is something very special about trying new things and reaching new levels of pleasure with someone else.
A huge amount of trust and vulnerability is required when trying new things in the bedroom and this helps to strengthen the foundation of your relationship and your intimate connection.
5. Helps You To Explore Your Preferences
It can be easy to get stuck in a rut in the bedroom, but trying new sex toys helps to shake things up a bit. It encourages you to try new positions and in general, helps to inspire a wider variety of sexual experiences.
By trying a variety of sex toys, you can be more confident about what you do and don’t like.
6. Can Help To Decrease The Pressure To Perform and The Stress Around Orgasm
Everyone can feel the pressure to perform sometimes. It’s normal to want to perform well and please your partner. But the pressure to perform can also decrease pleasure and the likelihood of reaching orgasm because it increases stress—which is a sure-fire quick way to kill the mood for a lot of people.
A 2014 study by the Journal of Sex Research on the sexual experience of young heterosexual adults found that both the male and female participants agreed that it is the male partner’s physical responsibility to ensure that the female partner reaches climax. Whereas they agreed that it is the female’s responsibility to be mentally open and prepared to orgasm.²
Whether this mindset on sexual experience and responsibility is helpful or not, is a whole separate blog article… but the point is both of the sexes in the study found that they hold responsibility, and with responsibility quite often comes stress due to the pressure to perform.
Sex toys can help to mitigate the pressure to perform because you have an extra sexual aid and sensual tool in your kit—which helps to take the spotlight off of anyone in particular during the experience.
Did you know that stress can have an effect on sexual function and sexual desire? A 2018 study by the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found on average that men preferred solo play and women preferred partnered sex when low levels of stress were being experienced. Whereas higher perceived levels of stress resulted in lower levels of desire for women and higher levels of desire for men.³
And a 2013 study by the Journal of Sex Medicine found that high levels of chronic stress have a correlation to lower levels of sexual arousal in women.⁴
The studies show that we all behave differently when it comes to stress and sex, some of us turn to solo play, some of us turn to partnered play, and some of us experience lower libido. But overall, there is a link between stress and sexual function—so it makes sense to remove stress in the bedroom.
Sex toys can be a welcome distraction that helps you to stay in the moment and overcome stress, much like a form of meditation.
Sex toys can allow you to be present with yourself, or your sexual partner during the sexual experience whilst also being somewhat distracted from intrusive thoughts that may result in stress or anxiety.
If you’d like to learn more about how to increase sexual self-confidence, be sure to check out my blog article here.
7. Mutual Masturbation Is Better Than Chocolate
Many people find mutual masturbation fun, whether it’s with or without toys. And it looks a little different for everyone! Mutual masturbation can either mean that you are pleasuring yourselves in front of each other or using your hands to pleasure each other simultaneously.
To give the experience a little variety, you can try using a vibrator or dildo. Mutual masturbation can be really fun during foreplay, or even as ‘breaks’ from intercourse. And you can learn a lot about your partner during the process.
It allows you both to explore how to like to be touched, which can improve your sexual relationship because you can get inspiration on what your sexual partner does and doesn’t like. And watching your sexual partner whilst exploring sexual play also helps to stimulate your mind and your body—which is always a bonus.
8. Helps To Encourage Movement And Different Positions
It is easy to get stuck in a rut when it comes to sex. We can often be creatures of habit and repeat the same actions, motions, and behaviours. Variety really helps to keep things exciting in the bedroom—and sex toys are great because they encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. In essence, sex toys can help you to break the patterns of habit and repetition.
The kama sutra is a great book to give you an idea or two about different positions to try, and there are many positions that you can use with sex toys, during oral sex, or during penetrative sex.
9. Can Help You To Explore Fantasies
You might have desires or fantasies and find them hard to communicate in conversation with your partner. Sex toys can help to open up doorways of conversation, communication, and experiences.
You can use the opportunity to discuss as a couple what you would like more of, less of, and to try for the first time.
Going shopping together for sex toys, whether on your local high street or online, helps to open up these channels of inspiration and communication.
10. Inspires Curiosity
Sex toys can help to inspire curiosity. Certain sexual aids such as lube are socially acceptable and widely known, but there are loads more sexual aids, sensual products, sex toys, and sensual tools out there to try. You don’t have to jump in with toys that might feel a bit intimidating—why not start with a simple cock ring or a vibrator with some lube?
And once, or if, you feel comfortable there—you might choose to move on to other sexual wellness and performance products after!
Does The Use Of Sex Toys Ruin Relationships?
In general, sex toys in and of themselves will not ruin your relationship. They’re simply sexual tools to enhance stimulation, sensation, and sexual pleasure.
However, it’s important to communicate your preferences and establish boundaries when using sex toys with a partner. And it’s also vital to actively listen to your sexual partner’s preferences and maintain their boundaries. Partnered play is all about consent and trust.
You don’t have to worry that your partner will prefer a sex toy to your touch because it’s an entirely different experience when you’re interacting with a sex toy, which is an object, in comparison to a person.
Furthermore, you’re using the sex toy with your partner which helps you to associate the pleasure you’re receiving from the sex toy with the person you’re using them with. It’s a very different experience when using a sex toy solo than with someone else.
Different sex toys can help to increase intimacy because you get to experience a wider variety of sensual stimulation and sexual pleasure with your partner. Trying new things together can help to increase trust and deepen your connection and bond. And this can be especially helpful in long-term relationships to keep things fresh, new, and interesting for you both.
If you’d like to learn more about the benefits of intimacy retreats for couples then check out my blog article here.
Conclusion
There can be a huge variety of benefits to introducing sex toys into your sex life whether that’s for solo play or with your sexual partner.
Staying open-minded, having clear communication, and maintaining boundaries are key. If you feel called to dip your toe in, you might just find something that you like! You can thank me later.
If you liked my article, why not share it with your friends?
